bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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