Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
