Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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