I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize