Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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