its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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