So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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