we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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