did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
