Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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