I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
