apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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