The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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