He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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