Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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