So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
