My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
