Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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