Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
