I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have post one night stand depression
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