like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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