pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
