New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
