Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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