not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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