That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
