eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
