i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize