Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
