She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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