when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
