okay pat passed out under dana's car
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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