I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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