believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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