she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
