i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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