Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
