Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
