I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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