smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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