Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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