she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
