My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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