i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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