she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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