I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
