just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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