1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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