He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
