You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why didn't you poke me back
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
