Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
