A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
