i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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