Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
