dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
