she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
