I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
