your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
