Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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