i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
