Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
