this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
