it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
