Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
