just come out here and I will go home with you...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
