Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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