you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize