I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
