I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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