I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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