I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
