I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
