I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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