He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
